Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Howard's visit

Howard comes to visit me 3 or 4 times a year. Howard is my close relative that I love, but sometimes he wears me out. He's a chubby, cute guy and so funny. I hinted to him that it's time to go, but he didn't seem to get it.
This time Howard put me right in bed and I decided it is time (a long time over due) for Howard to move out. Here is our conversation. "Howard, What are you? What do you need from me? I love you and I will give you anything you want if you will just quit hurting me."
You know Howard, he loved all the attention. I have made him so comfortable over the years, so fat and sassy. I have treated him far to well on all his visits and he has forgotten that this is my house, my body.
So I ignored him, turned my back on him. Silent treatment. I know this is down right despicable of me. I mean I believe in unconditional love. When I started to ignore him, he turned nasty. He fights like a girl, name calling, scratching, pinching. Cat fight! I could not get him to let go.
Why does Howard want to hurt me when I have been so nice to him. I stay healthy for him. I exercise most everyday. I feed him wheat grass juice, alfalfa sprouts, coconut oil, fresh fruits and vegies,and lots of water (don't forget to make it pure).
I know Howard needs a little extra attention, he's a little fearful and insecure. He like lots of compliments, and to be the best at everything. When he looses he pouts. He gets bored easily, and is very sensitive. He is prone to tempertantrums and then sulks off to his room and locks the door for hours.
I curled up in a little ball and cried, "UNCLE!" Howard just smiles- that smile that says I win again and you never stood a chance.
You know, he's really little and he doesn't take up much room, (only 5cm). We can squeeze him in, by the O sisters. Howard, you are so cute, you know I love you. You can stay as long as you like I'll get you your favorite snack.(Four Advil and a huge Dr. Pepper). There, there, doesn't that feel better. I'm so sorry I was mean to you
. You are safe here with me. Just take a little nap and everything will be okay in the morning.
I am pleased to introduce you to my houseguest, "Howard Decyst." He is in love with Leleft Ovary, (Sister O for short). He will be staying with me me indefinately. I hope you will all love him like I do.

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